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I received this email, and it struck me for many reasons. Still, my most prominent emotion was disgust at our medical/mental health industry. Nancy is not allowed to try and work out her gender dysphoria, just straight to transition. Nancy was more mentally capable of pushing back than I was at 42 as a ball-busting business sales executive. After you read this, I believe you will understand why I say:
CALM. Rational. Debate. It is not working; we have to SCREAM Louder 60's style and take it to the streets for Nancy and all the Nuisance of the world; she deserves it, and so do the other Nancys of the world.
This girl?
At least she has enough of a base for the reality that she can fend off all the mental health and medical experts salivating to tick another trans box
Dear Scott,
My name is Nancy, but some know me as Roman (it's my double life)….A few years back, I was tortured by my gender dysphoria (it continues to this day) and had more than ever considered transitioning to appear as male. From the start, I saw many red flags that naturally left me asking more questions. Before I knew it, I started to see all the things you speak about. My story is long and complicated, as most of ours are….
Lately, it's made me angry. Angry because I was so suicidal (and at times still am) because I couldn't find any therapist willing to help me unpack this dysphoria. To ensure it was real or that there was a solution that I could feel safe with. Dont get me wrong, I wanted to transition, but I had a nagging feeling that it was so potentially irreversible in so many ways, and what if it wasn't the solution? They forced it down my throat so quickly that I felt an overwhelming pressure to transition. What if I were wrong? To this day, my dysphoria tells me that the idea of transition appears shiny on the outside.
I have many trans friends who are miserable in many ways, and worse, they suffer deeply from depression. I haven't seen a significant change in them since they transitioned, which always stuck with me. Now I do have one trans man friend who it seems transitioning so far has worked for him, but then again, I hardly talk to him and see only what he posts every so often on Facebook. So I'm just assuming it worked for him. Anyway, I digress.
My dysphoria was getting so bad that I've come very close to killing myself on multiple occasions and already suffered an attempt in my early 20's when I wound up in the intensive care unit from swallowing 40 Ativan and drinking a 40oz of Miller High Life. I'm lucky I called my mom before I passed out on the couch in my apartment. I can only suppose I called her to hear her voice one last time before, inevitably, my heart would stop, and I would take the last sleep. She knew something wasn't right when I nodded out of conscientious while on the phone with her. The phone dropped out of my hands, and I was out cold, lying on the couch downstairs in my apartment.
The problem was that I was in Idaho then, and she was in California, helpless to help me. The cops ended up doing a welfare check, and my roommate, a CNA, had the intuition to check the pill bottle I had in my pants pocket and realized that the script I had just filled the day before was empty. I was rushed to the ER and woke up in the ICU to the sound of my father's voice asking the nurse if she knew when I might wake up, to which she replied that she was unsure.
My point is I get angry sometimes when trans people say they want to die because society doesn't accept them, but that's just never been my truth, n fact, society is so focused on "helping" me (transition) that I find people tip-toeing around how they speak to me because of fear I will cancel them or call them a bigot. So, society accepts me; this problem is much more profound. And I can't find help with that. In California, they passed a law that therapists couldn't disagree with someone's self-identification, thus making every mental health professional too scared to lose their license to help me without forcing the only "cure" which they claim is transitioning. One therapist even told me that I'm perfect just the way I am, to which I replied, "if this is what it feels like to be perfect, then kill me now." How can I learn more about the dangers of transitioning? Or why these doctors and medical professionals are so aggressive in getting me to transition so quickly without discussing what I'm experiencing? I want to help, and I want to be helped. I've been so scared to share my experience for fear of being outcasted in the trans community and among all my "woke" friends…. How can I get involved? I've felt so very alone in this fight. And then I saw you, and I knew I wasn't alone. I'm sorry for writing to you and the entire book. I've never been able to express this much of my story fully and safely. You can call me by the name my parents gave me; my name is Nancy. I hope this message finds you well. Thank you for telling the truth and being brave enough to provide a voice for the part of the trans community that virtually has none.
To put a face to the name, this is me; I'm 32 years old. Even now, I'm nervous about sending this letter.
Here goes nothin <----To which I say Nancy, here goes EVERYTHING
Sincerely,
Nancy
Nancy, sweet sweet Nancy? You look like an adorable woman who struggles Let me let you in on a secret. You are normal. Your raw account of.your life and experiences tells me you are a brilliant communicator articulating what most cannot verbally let alone with the written word. Call me anytime 469-410-4316 Question. May I post this on my blog.with making it 100% annomous? This letter? This letter is brilliant and could save people. Last, how can I help you?
Scott, I appreciate how quickly you responded to me and the warmth in which you’ve shown in your response.
I’m headed to work right now and would like to be able to write a more thorough response when I’m not rushed to get out the door. But to answer your question of if you can use this letter anonymously to post on your blog…. Yes! You have my utmost permission to do so. If I were stronger, maybe someday I’d even let you do it without anonymity. I’m not there yet, but I want to get there.
Thank you for the contact number. I would love to talk to you sometime. Maybe I can try to give you a call on one of my upcoming days off work (Thursday/Friday)…. I’m not sure how you organize your days, so if there is a time that works best for you, let me know.
I have more to say. And I will when my allotted time affords me the ability to do so. Thank you again.
Is it possible that you could share the link to the blog post once you’ve decided to post it? I would really appreciate it.
Talk soon
Yes, to all and call anytime if you want to talk.
Scott
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Thanks so much for sharing, your words were deeply felt. If you ever come out of anonymity, it would be great to have you on our podcast sometime.
So much pride and love to you Nancy and deepest thanks to you both for sharing. What a tragedy that no ‘other’ solutions are sort by the ‘helping’ professions. I was a tom boy… actually I did’t even know there was a difference between myself and my brothers (3 of us only 3.5 years apart in age) until I was 10 years old. I could outrun them, out climb them and even out ‘pretend’ shoot them 🤣. But for 2 years after I realised… I sat on the couch… I didnt know how a girl was supposed to be. I put on weight and lost the confidence that innocent play had given me BEFORE. In time, I adjusted to impending…
There is something called "dysphoria" with no adjective. I believe people struggling with dysphoria are being pulled into gender as a 'designated issue.' Regular dysphoria is often an artifact of early life trauma or neglect. It's a very painfully intense inner sense of "I'm horrible, I don't fit, I'm weird, I'm unreal, I'm disgusting." It's a right brain issue with right brain solutions.
Thank you for sharing this and thank you, Nancy, for taking the first steps to having your own voice on this issue. There is so much pressure to conform our viewpoints because so much is on the line... friendships, jobs, entire support communities. Every voice that speaks up here adds itself to a growing mass of voices. Each step for you will embolden your next. Be brave, my friend. I applaud your courage!
I love this so much! I don't have gender dysphoria, but as a young child, a close neighbor friend of mine did, I wish everyday there was something I could have done to help her. I wish there were words or a way for me to understand what she was going through, it was so confusing to me to hate the body you were born in...I really love your voice and fire Nancy, please stay strong, sincerely someone else who wants to help with the fight as well.